Lovely wife? Forget it, Women has lost their true identity.
The journey to go through another break up has been devastated to me, it seems like a norm to me that women who I had “intimate” before would often live better after that, I had seen and witnessed myself for 3 times in 3 straight years, either they would just taken away by 3rd party or just disappeared out of thin air. Changing partner every year seems to be fun for an average frustrated chumped like me and I guess I took it in a different way, I put the happiness on the hand of other, I am more miserable than being happy in a relationship. I thought this is what it was meant to be, to love and expect to be love in return. It is often what I perceived and indulged was not the desired result.
Its futile to be in relationship again, I shut myself in the house for month reading books, listening to self-help CD and studying forum post of love and relationship. I want to gain back my self-esteem that has been taken away and rewire myself being a more contented person. While shutting myself down from the social world for month had showered myself with more knowledge into better understanding awareness deep inside me. People often read books to search for themselves and find someone who agrees with them. And, right now, I could have done better if I have made the right choice in my life.
I suppose, we were all searching for love to fulfill our loneliness and emptiness, in search of other half needed to achieve happiness. That’s why we found each other. But by putting 2 persons with different system of behavior would never fix what was broken inside. Nothing would fix what was broken inside. All we could do was embrace the damage. The code of conduct to learn how to maintain a relationship.
I have gotten used to it, modern women these days are imbalanced and not firmed about what they need and want in a relationship. They want the best of both worlds. Surprisingly, even a 30 years old girl had this thought in mind. Undeniable, materialism is the key word these days, no matter how perfectly lovey dovey the relationship starts, either through “chemistry” or “love at first sight”. At the end of the day, 2 persons with different system of behaviour trying to change each other to fit their needs, the relationship will fall apart. I am not saying this out of a theoretical but experience it myself.
This is so unnecessary, women just seem to lose the ability or even willingness for sastifaction. They just want more, more class, more money, more time, more love, more care and bla bla bla. Why do Men always being blamed for unnecessary demand by woman? Who’s the one who generate all this unhealthy issues? It is women itself. In old days, women are calm, dedicated and obedient, being part of the backbone of the family, giving real strength that holds the family together with love and dedication. I assumed this is near extinct because social changes, woman has lost their identity for being good wives or good mothers.
Modern women no longer sastify with their traditional roles by fulfillment of nurturing her family or being a lovely wife, they had changed, they find more fulfillment at work being in high powered career, gains social dominant, defines her achievement at work, and NOT through the happiness at home, this has gone out of balance. They no longer being driven by family focus but selfishness to their own achievement and not the shared responsibilities of building a happy family together.
So how? Women are lost. They indulge deeper in work, having affairs with black and white. Doing unnecessary demands that bring little or no happiness and resign to be unhappy. Women appear to be cracks, they are not happy, they stress their life and long for romance, time for kids and more freedom which is supposed to be the traditional roles, but they want it all. Though, deep inside they want traditional roles by not giving up the modern roles, they never felt contented and this leads to miserable and resentment.
It’s not good signs and I am worried, however Love can be maintained, improved and neglected, we often have a choice.
PS:
This post is not to provoke discomfort to women and I still perceived women as a wonderful creatures. This post was purely my opinion based on what I observed, thanks for reading.
Tags: love, Relationship, women
August 24th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
i can tell you 1 thing. a lovely wife exist. you just haven’t met the right one.
if you met the right one, everything can be spoken of, laughed at, discussed and compromises come without need to be created.
you’ll get there. don’t be frustrated, dude.
August 24th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Thanks Dude, I am not frustrated but rather desperate, I have met many but love a few. Always pick the wrong egg from the basket.
Another journey begin … looking for lovely wife continue.
Thanks for dropping by…
August 24th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I agree with wht you had written. Sometimes, we dont really know how much we love a guy until he is gone and then if the guy is really worth our love, we are willing to do anything de.
Gambatte. You will find that girl soon..
August 24th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Dude, you really gotta polish up your grammar.
And perhaps the other side of the coin would be that you are not able to find a lovely wife cos you are the one with high expectations? Blaming people is easy, but looking deep inside you yourself is hard.
Too much bigotry here, obviously you do not understand women at all to be making such sweeping statements and its no wonder that your relationships fail.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Rather than expecting someone to fit your expectations, why not try loving someone for who they are, flaws and all? And would you rather have a doll that tells you nothing about their thoughts and feelings? It seems like you couldn’t understand her and she couldn’t understand you. Why not try having open channels of communication in your relationships? Understanding and acceptance works both ways. I hope you’ll find that someone who is patient enough to walk you through your journey of healing your own wounds. No girl can sprinkle some magical remedy to make things right. But I think that special someone can give you the hope and strength to try to stand up on your own.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Xueyu,
Thanks, I had never experienced the feeling to dump someone, but I believe it’s really hard to find someone you truly love, if you found one, try to do everything possible to maintain the relationship. Thanks again, I will find a lovely wife.
Iris,
Thanks for reminding me again about the grammar, I had taken up course to write better. Please don’t sue me for bad English.
High expectations? I am simple as it is, guess I was too simple that scared them away. Maybe you are right, I will learn from failure, thanks for comment.
Tammy,
Thanks for a wonderful comment, I agreed that communication is important, I took the responsible to communicate all the time, if not, I would lose the girl. I accepted all the flaws and always will, I don’t treat a woman like a toy that put her in a box and pull her out when feel like playing with it (I am always being treated that ways). I showered them with love and attention. However, I had better understanding of what a woman thinks, when she likes, or says she likes, is not necessarily what she responds in reality.So, I try not to convince her or argue with her, logical may never work for them, they are just emotional being.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
hey there, i think that just like the women that you’ve portrayed (in your post), your article in itself in unbalanced as well.
you mentioned that women are becoming unbalanced in their pursuit of professional success.. have you explored the reasons behind this trend? are men capable to provide for his family comfortably? are men prepared to give up life’s little pleasures (in a single-income family) as compared to a double income family?
as our standard of living “increases”, you say that women demand/want more. “more class, more money..”
search within yourself, or amongst men, do you guys not want more as well? do you not expect more from your spouse? more intelligent, more self-independent, prettier, etc etc… are your expectations not going up as well?
just another angle of thought that you might want to explore.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Nice guy syndrome?
August 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I went through many failures in the courting game when I was younger. I was full of ideals too. There was a nice book written by Robert Ringer which taught me how to start winning instead of going on whining about my bad luck. Try reading this book: Winning through intimidation. But don’t judge it by the title. It’ll open your eyes.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
hey at least u last a year, imgaine those that changes GF every 3 mths [i dun get it either LOL, but this cases is the guy dump the girl XD]
anyhows dude logically if u;r not happy in a relationship y continue, its simple logic that what is not meant to be no matter how hard u try it’ll not be urs…
so what if that girl is so pretty, so smart, y be a relation to be unhappy? its simple for me i guess
if i am not happy i’ll not continue to waste, time, money and effort just to end up broken hearted….
shutting yourself from society doesn;t help much, its like sure u can cry over it and try to improve yourself i guess, but seriously sooner or later u’ll need to face it XD
its hard to adapt to change i guess but then again like for example when u were younhg your parents did try to mould u into what u are today, u kinda change your bad habbits to good one, so if 2 ppl are in a relationship there’ll be changes XD
and if u cannot change u attemopt to comprimise,,, that how relations work out
the world has changed if u haven;t notice, due to these changes women expectations changes, even men expectations changes… in the stone age the men just want food and women…. now men want women,. mistress, car, sex get aways, club and god know what… and women demand alot more then what she did in the stone ages…
i am sad to say there are hardly women who will stay @ home take care of the house and what u mentioned… well there are these are uneducated women from those undeveloped nations
but singaporean women are known NOT to have these ‘qualities’ if u want these kind of women get a maid XD [seriously hrmmm]
but on the other hand unless u happen to be born with a multimillion business with ALOT of cash, dun expect to have women playing wife @ home….
Expections and Assumptions are the usually downfalls in relationships [i learn from other people;s experience.... i for one am still single LOL]
August 25th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Hi Missy,
Yes, I agreed with you. Let’s don’t see thing as they are, but rather as we are. This post was not written to attack women, men has to take the blame as well by reason of incapable to move with the social changes of high living standard and increasing expectations. Thus, instead of taking blame on each other when something goes wrong and wondering if he/she is the right one or is he/she the right person to get married (sounds familiar?), why don’t we learn how to LOVE the person you found? This is the code of conduct to maintain a relationship. There’s no secret for long lasting love(falling in love is easy, maintaining is hard), you have to “make” love works. It takes time, energy, efforts and a lot of wisdom to succeed.
Thanks.
Jin,
Thanks for the link, the oldest myths about dating “Nice guys finish last”. I would still be nice guys, even though I have read it thousand times, women don’t actually fall for bad boys. It’s between weak guys and strong guys, not actually physically strong but also emotionally strong, they just want a man that have the ability to make them feel safe.
LC Teh,
Thanks for the recommendation, I would definitely get the book to read to learn how to win the game. I wish I could be another Casanova…ha ha!
August 25th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I was astonished to see this post listed top 10 in ping.sg with 27 pongs at the time of writing this comment, thanks for all the reading.
Rinko,
Frankly, I had 5 serious relationship and 3 of them were just continuous, from young to old, women are just the same. Surprisingly the shortest is the recent one that is less than 3 months. I wished I would have the guts to be a player, but I don’t. I know how it feels, and it’s really not fair being treated that ways.
I am happy with the relationship, but it just couldn’t work out, I would just take a grip to admit to meet the wrong women at wrong time.
Haha…Sad is undeniable, I isolate from society not to harp on the heartbreak but for financial reason and opted to improve myself.
I agreed with you that compromise, understanding and toleration may bring to a long lasting relationship.
True, expectations and assumptions changes and we couldn’t have done anything better to accept the changes and find a world better place to stay by understanding the change and find workable solution to cope with it.
Thanks for dropping by and I am sure you will find your another half soon, cheers!
August 25th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Don’t mind me. I actually go after the women who are power hungry, dominant, cold and practical. The all round ice queens. I believe that they, aside from being the hardest women to win over, are actually the most interesting women you can spend the rest of your life with.
Takes a lot of work to warm up their hearts, but it’s absolutely worth it. In fact, I surround myself with ice queens while I have always dated them.
Of course, you have to know who you are and what your best traits are before you know who can find you attractive. I’m the nice guy. The guy that most girls ditch behind, but always the kind of guy who gets the ice queens. Can’t say I don’t like it.
Hard to say no to a woman who knows how to wield power. Even harder to say no to a woman whose heart you just melted.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Edrei,
You seem to be ice breakers, and it’s good for you. I suppose approaching these girls who often perceive themselves as high value are hard to get if they know you considering them as a potential target (In other words, you may perceive yourself lower value). To win them, you must demonstrate some higher value (disqualify from being seen as potential suitor by her), so that it aligned with their value. It’s challenging.
Thanks for sharing Edrei. Now that shows Nice Guy finish laughing and walk away with the coolest girl.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
It take a lot of adjustment & adaption to deal with each other’s expectation in relationship to make it work. And to deal with the adjustment & adaption, you’ll need patience. I have my share in relationship failures to know how it feels. It’s more bitter than some Chinese herbal tea.
In the end, it take great will to accept your other half’s weaknesses and bad stuff to get the relationship going.
I guess, love & relationship is more about accepting than expectation
August 30th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Safe Haven,
Thanks for the comment. I totally agreed with you whole heartedly, adjustment and adaption. There’s no such thing as failure, we learnt what works and what doesn’t, we understand our self better, make changes and improve from failure.
I second that too - love & relationship is more about accepting than expectation.
The key to succeeding in every relationship is not finding the right person. It’s learning to love the person you have found.
September 20th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Hey,
I am a career woman, can’t bear to stay at home and play the roles of a traditional wife….but yet I am a lovely wife. Why? because I have a lovely husband. Take two hands to clap.
My husband and I are happily married for 8 years now and have been together for 15 years. To me, the secret of maintaining and growing a relationship is to find someone who appreciate you for who you are and always look up to you as the best partner and the best friend.
I hope one day you will find the right girl.
Good luck!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Hi Jean Chai,
Thanks for such a wonderful inspiration. You are doing great, I wished I have someone called lovely wife in the future. I’ll hope for the best ~ Thanks again.
October 4th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Women are just trouble, I thought I had a lovely wife once.
She robbed me.